The Way Forward

Oh. Hello.

Last year I experimented with starting a podcast. It didn’t go so well. I found it awkward to talk without an audience to listen, and couldn’t get straight in my head who my audience was anyway. The actual process was frustrating because I kept stumbling over words and having to re-record and deal with technical complications.

I have been, and always will be, a word-monger. Writing is my “first, best destiny” to quote the great Mr. Spock. Therefore, I am reviving my blog. I have so many things I wish to say, and desire to add my voice in a constructive and positive way (I hope) to the global conversation. What I had intended for the podcast will be written up here.

It may be, after some time, I will attempt the podcast again. I am still intrigued by the platform. What I may do at that point is use my blog posts as a script for an audio-blog. Vlogs exists, why not a public personal log? I imagine myself as Lando Calrissian (though nowhere near as handsomely as Donald Glover) with my feet up on the dash of the Millennium Falcon speaking into a holo-recorder. I now suddenly want an office that is a recreation of the Falcon cockpit. Dreams!

Anyway, this is my re-launch of a regular posting schedule (TBD). Update your feeds and subscriptions, or simply watch this space. I have much to say, and can’t wait to say it. By the way, I don’t want to merely monologue. Let this be a dialogue, a discussion. I have a gmail that you can send any and all thoughts to. With your permission, I may respond in a future post. I do have a social media presence, but I don’t use anything but Instagram regularly and that is only for my photography and fun. For the moment social media is much more of a depressor than a stimulator. In the before times, it was a way to meet and collaborate and to be inspired, but not so much anymore, sadly.

Now, I send this little announcement out into cyberspace and trust to follow this humble beacon with a fleet of explorative thoughts. Thanks for listening.


Here is a brief list of what I would like for my birthday, should you feel compelled to gift me something on the occasion of my thirty-first.
These first three are a little expensive, and so might make good group gifts if you know people who know me. To whit:
LEGO Ship in a Bottle ($70) (I actually want two of these…one for display and one for parts).
iTunes Gift Card for movies I want to add to my collection
Cinemark/AMC gift card for movies I want to see in the once and future theater
LEGO gift card for smaller sets I would like to add to my collection
Cash-y Money for various wants that I can’t currently afford.
(No Amazon gift cards please. I don’t have a Prime account and would prefer to shop locally.)

All I Want for Christmas

All I want for Christmas are a few little things. Feel free to ignore this list and buy me something really cool, or if you are feeling stuck, pick something and stick it under my parent’s tree. Suffice to say, if you don’t know how to get it under my parent’s tree (or contact me), you should probably be buying a gift for someone closer to your home tree. But thanks for the thought.

1. iPad Mini 4 or 2 $399+ or $269+, any capacity, prefer Space Gray, available almost anywhere iPad minis are sold. See

2. LEGO Palace Cinema #10232 $149.99, available on or maybe your local Lego Store. See

3. LEGO Darth Vader #75111 $29.99, available on or anywhere Lego is sold (Lego Store, Walmart, Target, Toys R Us). See

4. LEGO Clone Commander Cody #75108 $19.99, available on or anywhere Lego is sold (Lego Store, Walmart, Target, Toys R Us). See

5. LEGO Rey’s Speeder #75099 $19.99, available on or anywhere Lego is sold (Lego Store, Walmart, Target, Toys R Us). See

6. gift card, any amount, so I can buy my own Lego. See

7. gift card, any amount, so I can buy something geeky. I would have listed a bunch of stuff, but the list is way too long. I’ll be just as happy to pick something myself. See

8. iTunes gift card, any amount, sold almost anywhere gift cards are sold (Walmart, Target, etc) and online. I have a massive list of music, movies, and TV shows that I want and my preferred outlet for media is iTunes. See

9. Clothing – Take me shopping for best fits! – I need a nice sweater or two for church, size is XXL. I love geeky/nerdy/Star Wars apparel, such as socks and T-shirts (XXL).

10. I love the Green Bay Packers, the Cleveland Indians, and Star Wars. So anything related to those three franchises will sure be a hit.

Thank you and Merry Christmas!

The Hellcats, a Field Report

From the universes of BattleTech and MechWarrior…

To: Field Marshall Appo
From: Colonel Cody
Re: Hellcats

Sir, you requested a recommendation from me for your new special forces lance and I think I have just the unit you are looking for. The Hellcats, led by Lance Commander Hilary Cross, is an all female lance of heavy assault mechs. They emerged after the heavy losses during the Battle of Crimson Moon. Several mangled units were thrown together to form a new lance and it wasn’t until later that someone noticed that every dossier was labeled “F”. Someone in command shrugged it off and ordered them into combat. The offensives were vicious and most didn’t care where the cannon fodder came from or what it was made of. They needed soldiers, and gender simply wasn’t a factor. It wasn’t until the Battle of Crimson Moon became the Crimson Moon Offensive, the name alteration implying a change from stalemate trench war fought mostly with missile mechs to a winning campaign fought by everybody else, that anybody noticed that this all-female lance was leading the charge. Word spread, and the word in lance command was that they had synced their periods with their combat rotation so as to be as fierce as possible in battle. Mostly I think that’s horseshit, but there is no denying their effectiveness. The Hellcats boast more enemy kills than the rest of the battalions in their brigade. It is my recommendation, Marshall, that the Hellcats be given the best of material, armor and ammunition and be upgraded from combat lance to special forces lance and given missions accordingly. I don’t think you will find a more devastating lance of heavy mechs on this moon and to pull an elite force from a different arena would not only waste a dropship, but be to the detriment of the overall offensive. The Hellcats are already familiar with the enemy, the terrain, and the objectives. Properly equipped, they’ll do the job and then some. Let the basterds from Clan Osiris meet up with the Hellcats in the dark alley of Crimson Canyon and see who emerges victorious. It won’t be no dandy pants royalty that’s for sure!

Down the Dusty Road

Hey there, everyone, anyone who reads this blog or who has read it in the past,

I am thinking about what to do with this blog. For a while there I was using it was a portal for my poetry, while I was regularly writing poetry. But I am not doing that anymore and I find myself with a blog and nothing regular to write on it.

Except that I often have a lot to say, and no one to say it to, or nowhere to say it, except this dusty old blog of mine.

So, if it’s ok with you, I am going to start saying things here. Feel free to read them and respond and have a good time with it or ignore it completely. I won’t mind. Often I just want someone to talk to, and the good ole’ internet of friends, family, and complete strangers will sometimes suffice just fine.


Phil RedBeard

About Me


If you are new to this blog, welcome. If you aren’t, welcome all the same.

I hope you enjoy your time here. Whether you are an old or new reader, maybe you don’t know me personally and are wondering about me. Wonder no more. I have written a short bio and included a picture of myself on my new “About Me” page which you can access via the link back there or via the link on the menu bar above this post.

I am glad you decided to stop by and read what I wrote, I hope you do so often. Thanks.

Phil Redbeard

Divorce(d): An Open Letter

It all happened so fast, yet it took months. A few questions, a few tense moments, and four years of marriage was wiped away.

I am now an ex-husband with an ex-wife. I never wanted it, I didn’t ask for it, but it is. I take full responsibility for the parts that are my fault. It takes two to make a marriage, and without laying blame I nevertheless refuse to take the whole burden on myself for a crumbled conjoining.

I’ve been reflecting on it all day, both my marriage and my divorce. I’ve been trying to recall all the fun times, the good times, the joy and happiness we shared. I’ve been trying to forget everything that broke apart, the bad times, the bitterness and the frustrations that drove a wedge between us.

The Doctor once said that “every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”

I love my ex-wife. I always will. She is a very dear friend, a wonderful woman, and a very significant part of my last ten years. I can’t and won’t regret any part of that. We met in Papua New Guinea. We experienced Lithuania. We danced in Red Square in the cold of midnight. We drove across America together, east and west and north and south. We both hurt each other; we both loved each other. Good things and bad things. As much as our bad things piled up and led to a parting, our good things still exist, still enrich us.

I refuse to let this divorce define me any more than my marriage defined me. Both happened to me, both made and are making me who I am, who I will be. I will miss being married. I will miss my wife. I will be sad. But just as my marriage wasn’t forever, neither will my divorce be forever. Nothing lasts forever. Even the stars burn out and go cold and dark.

So what now? What next? These questions have also been on my mind. At the moment, I have no answers. I am waiting to see what life will bring next. I am holding my breath and I don’t quite know why. I can’t help but feel something else is coming my way. I am looking for new good things to balance the new bad things.

Thank you to everyone who has made this transition from married to single as easy and as stress free as possible. I have experienced such an outpouring of love and support from family and friends that as one stage of my life ends I know that many people will stand with me through every stage of life.

And if you are reading, Hannah Joy, thank you for everything you have given me. It’s made me who I am. I am a better person today for knowing you these past ten years. I hope to be your friend long into the future; I hope you find plenty of good things to counterbalance your bad things.

For now I have my pup and a brand new future. And it is enough.

I remain,

Phil Redbeard